This Time

My heart hurts. For the first time in close to 18 years I am confronted with the fact that I'm NOT his mom. He has had a major milestone in his life. And I found out on Facebook just like the rest of the world. Which is exactly how it should be. I'm super happy for him. And proud. And excited. And yet I am ridiculously, irrationally sad for myself.

He is an amazing kid young man. He is smart and talented and kind and funny. He is driven and dedicated and loyal. But he didn't learn those things from me. Because while he came from my body, he is not my son.

Maybe if I keep repeating it it won't hurt so much?

For the first time since he was a baby and I could still "see" his beautiful face I feel left out. I didn't expect anything different. I knew what I was giving up. I knew I would miss out on so much more than one major milestone. But this time. This time feels different. This time my arms ache to hold him. This time my tears are falling. Yes, I'm happy. I'm so glad he is the man he is. I'm so grateful that he has the mom he does. I could not have possibly dreamed up anyone better than her. She is certainly the mom he needed and the mom I needed for him. But that mom isn't me.

I'm not there. He isn't mine. Not new information. I know. I do. But I can't help the way I feel. And this time my heart hurts.

All About Beckett: Age SIX!!!

When did this little guy decide he could grow up? Because I don't remember giving permission. My little Beckett is so amazing. He is my caring, funny, crazy, smart, mischievous, no fear, tender heart of a boy. He can read on a 4th grade level and really works hard to make sure everyone is happy. If you are sick or hurt Beckett will help you in any way he possibly can.

He feels things very deeply which leads to lots of temper tantrums, but he is also quick to forgive and the first to say sorry when he has done something wrong. He idolizes his big brother and adores his little sister. I can not possibly imagine our family without this little stink in it. I love him to pieces and can't wait to see all that he will accomplish in his lifetime.

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A-  LEGO creator

2. What makes you happy?
A- Playing with my friends

3. What makes you sad?
A- Getting yelled at


4. What makes you laugh?
A- When someone tells a funny joke.

5. What is your favorite color?
A- Blue & purple

6. What is your favorite toy?
A- LEGO's

7. How tall are you?
A- 65 feets

8. How much do you weigh?
A- 44.5 pounds (ha! Doesn't get much more exact than that)

9. What’s your favorite thing to do?
A- Play with LEGO's

10. Where is your favorite place to go?
A- McDonald's

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A- Arizona

12. What are you really good at?
A- Writing

13. What are you not so good at?
A- Drawing carefully (he had a REALLY hard time thinking of something for this one. Love his confidence!)

14. What is your favorite thing about school?
A- Recess

15. What is your favorite food?
A- Fries

16. What food don't you like?
A- Cucumbers

17. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A- Morning

18. What makes you proud of yourself?
A- Making a story

19. If you were a cartoon character, who would you be?
A- Spongebob

20. What‘s your favorite TV show?
A- Larvae

21. What is your favorite movie?
A- Avengers

22. What is your favorite book?
A- You Can Be Anything

23. Who are your friends?
A- Wyatt, Lucas, & Bo

24. Who is your best friend?
A- Lucas and Wyatt

25. What do you like most about your dad?
A- That he makes dinner

26. What do you like most about your mom?
A- That she's nice to me

27. What do you like most about Holden?
A- That he plays with me

28. What do you like most about Victoria?
A- That she knows my name

28. What do you like most about yourself?
A- That I'm good at building LEGO's