6 Years Ago...

At this time of year that is so filled with excitement and fireworks I can't help but reflect on where I was 6 years ago.
After struggling for years to have a baby Tim and I were finally pregnant. I remember being so excited to watch the fireworks with my family with my cute baby belly. I was excited to show it off and to make these new memories; to attend one last fourth of July festivities before becoming a Mom.

For some reason my cute nephew, Colton wanted to lay with me during the fireworks and I remember thinking that next year at the same time I would have my own child to take that place. It was a little slice of Heaven.

My baby was due November 23rd and I was 4 1/2 months along. It was a happy day. The next day was not so happy. (If you don't already know what happened you can check out my previous post.)

While I struggle with the painful memories I try hard to focus on the good ones. And seeing the picture above helps to remind me of that. I can't help but imagine my life if Quentin had been able to stay with us. But I'm also thankful for the handsome boys that I do have. They are amazing.

All About Tim: Holden Edition

In honor of Father's Day we asked Holden to tell us all about Tim. So here it is 4 year old style!

1. What is something dad always says to you?
A- Go to your room

2. What makes dad happy?
A- Being a dork

3. What makes dad sad?
A- Being mean

4. How does your dad make you laugh?
A- He teases me

5. What was your dad like as a child?
A- He played

6. How old is your dad?
A- 9

7. How tall is your dad?
A- 9 inches

8. What is his favorite thing to do?
A- Work out

9. What does your dad do when you are not home?
A- He's still working while we're at the store

10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?
A- He'll be on a dorky show

11. What is your dad really good at?
A- Lifting weights

12. What is your dad not good at?
A- Running a lot

13. What does your dad do for a job?
A- Work

14. What is your dad's favorite food?
A- Nachos

15. What makes you proud of your dad?
A- Workout

16. If your dad were a cartoon character, who would he be?
A- Buzz Lightyear Mission Log

17. What do you and your dad do together?
A- Outdoor stuff and camp sometimes

18. How are you and your dad the same?
A- 'Cause we have the same color hair a little bit. And we both have white faces and legs.

19. How are you and your dad different?
A- Dad has a goatee and I don't. And he has his hair short and I don't. I have way more hair than him.

20. How do you know your dad loves you?
A- He tells me

21. What does your dad like most about your mom?
A- Loving her

22. Where is your dad's favorite place to go?
A-Go hunting in the woods to hunt elk.

Holden School Program

Yesterday was Holden's end of year school program. They always sing songs and do little dances and stuff. Totally entertaining. This year Holden was asked to sing a solo. He loves to be the center of attention so it doesn't surprise me at all. However, we weren't told about it until yesterday either. So there wasn't lots of time to practice his song. But you can see it below. Totally made me cry. I know that's a shocker.

Holden also won the Jedi Genius award. They had him say his famous knock knock joke. You can see the video of that one below.

And you can tell from this picture that he was completely done with me taking pictures. At one point he yelled at me and told me I could take pictures of someone else. What!? Your friends are super cute, but that isn't who I want to remember forever. So proud of our cute 4 year old! He is so stinkin' smart!

My Mom is Special: By Holden Brunson

 

Holy crap! I love this kid. These are the questions Holden answered about me at school. I'm good at working out!? LOL

If you can't read it just click on the picture to make it bigger.

All About Jacki: Holden Edition

In honor of Mother's Day I asked Holden the questions below. This is something I plan to do every year! And stay tuned for next month: All about Tim:Holden edition!
Questions about mom:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
A- Go to your room

2. What makes mom happy?
A- When I dance in my brother's pants you laugh.

3. What makes mom sad?
A- When Dad is away you start to cry a little bit.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
A- By teasing me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
A- Playing

6. How old is your mom?
A- 14

7. How tall is your mom?
A- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 5 tall

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
A- Not go to McDonald's and stay home and make lunch.

9. What does your mom do when you are not home?
A- Do stuff with Beckett

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
A- For fashion shows

11. What is your mom really good at?
A- Making peanut butter jelly sandwiches

12. What is your mom not good at?
A- Not cooking some food

13. What does your mom do for a job?
A- Teach Mamas on a Dime

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
A- Strawberry shortcake

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
A- Doing a dance

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
A- Fancy dancing character

17. What do you and your mom do together?
A- Sometimes cook

18. How are you and your mom the same?
A- I have a little bit brown hair and a little blonde and you have a lot of brown hair. And we are both white and have blue eyes.

19. How are you and your mom different?
A- Mom is way bigger than me. And I'm way smaller than Mom.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
A- 'Cause she kisses me and hugs me.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
A- You like him being dorky

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
A-Home

Timothy

Timothy's Mom, Lena just posted this pic on Facebook. He is 6'1" and 185 pounds. He is huge!!!

I Know He Isn't Mine...

I know he isn't mine, but I felt his little feet kick my ribs for weeks on end.
I know he isn't mine, but I rejoice in his accomplishments and mourn for his losses.
I know he isn't mine, but his eyes and ears and feet are.
I know he isn't mine, but I can't imagine my life if he had never entered it.
I know he isn't mine, but I will always be his.
I am not his mom, I cannot take credit for his deeds.
But I am his birth mother, and I am responsible for his life.

Fourteen years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful 7 pound 1 ounce baby boy. He has grown into such a smart, handsome young man. I was never meant to be his mom. But I can't help but love him just as much as if I were.
I love you and happy birthday, Timothy!