All About 9 Year Old Holden!

I'm going to say the same thing I say every year. I can't believe my baby is nine! Where did the time go? He is such an amazing, smart, caring, inquisitive, athletic, know it all, leader. I can't imagine my life without this little jokester. He can turn any day into something positive and he knows something about everything. He is my dependable smarty pants. Happy ninth birthday Hono!!

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A- A football player or electrical engineer

2. What makes you happy?
A- Playing football

3. What makes you sad?
A- Getting grounded

4. What makes you laugh?
A- Cameron's comedy

5. What is your favorite color?
A- Orange (surprise, surprise)

6. What is your favorite toy?
A- My X-Shot Bug Attack gun

7. How tall are you?
A- 4 foot 6

8. How much do you weigh?
A- 60 pounds

9. What’s your favorite thing to do?
A- Play football

10. Where is your favorite place to go?
A- The Utes Stadium

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A- Denver

12. What are you really good at?
A- Football (Again)

13. What are you not so good at?
A- Shopping (I literally laughed out loud)

14. What is your favorite thing about school?
A- Recess

15. What is your favorite food?
A- Elk Jerky

16. What food don't you like?
A- Tomatoes

17. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A- Morning

18. What makes you proud of yourself?
A- Winning a football game

19. If you were a cartoon character, who would you be and why?
A- I would be Bart Simpson because he's good at skateboarding and hilarious (yes, I'm a horrible mom)

20. What‘s your favorite TV show?
A- Football

21. What is your favorite movie?
A- Avengers

22. What is your favorite book?
A- Fablehaven and the Shadow Plague

23. Who are your friends?
A- Cameron, Huck, Max, Zack, Sofia, Hyrum, & Josyah

24. Who is your best friend?
A- Cameron

25. What do you like most about your dad?
A-He's funny

26. What do you like most about your mom?
A- She lets me have candy sometimes

27. What do you like most about Beckett?
A- That he joins in Minecraft

28. What do you like most about Victoria?
A- That she's funny

28. What do you like most about yourself?
A- That I'm strong.

14 Years!!!

I love you, Not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you, Not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out;

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else has looked quite far enough to find.
 

I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern, but a temple; out of the works of my every day, not a reproach, but a song.

I can't believe it has been 14 years already! It feels like it was only yesterday. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. Thank you for being the man you are. I love you!

All about Tim from an 8 and 6 year old!

In honor of Father's Day we asked Holden & Beckett to tell us all about Tim. So here it is 8 and 6 year old style! I tried to get Tori in on the action, but she just kept saying no.

1. What is something dad always says to you?
Holden- Listen!
Beckett- He sighs at me.

2. What makes dad happy?
Holden- Me listening
Beckett- Going to Bohemian

3. What makes dad sad?
Holden- Me not listening
Beckett- I don't know. I haven't seen dad getting sad.

4. How does your dad make you laugh?
Holden- Saying something funny
Beckett- Tickling me

5. What was your dad like as a child?
Holden- Adventurous, brave, and athletic
Beckett- A nice kid

6. How old is your dad?
Holden- 33
Beckett- 32?

7. How tall is your dad?
Holden- 5 foot 8
Beckett- 50 feet

8. What is his favorite thing to do?
Holden- Get a break from work
Beckett- Go to the Bohemian

9. What does your dad do when you are not home?
Holden- Basically work
Beckett- He's pretty much never home

10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?
Holden- Actor
Beckett- Being a movie star maybe?

11. What is your dad really good at?
Holden- Engineering
Beckett- Helping other companies

12. What is your dad not good at?
Holden- Doing multiple things at a time for work while having a ruckus in the room.
Beckett- Building stuff

13. What does your dad do for a job?
Holden- He works for Teleira Communications
Beckett- Help other companies

14. What is your dad's favorite food?
Holden- Elk steak
Beckett- Lasagne maybe. I don't know.

15. What makes you proud of your dad?
Holden- That he helps me almost every day to understand multiple questions that I ask at random.
Beckett- That sometimes he's nice to me.

16. If your dad were a cartoon character, who would he be?
Holden- The hunter guy from Looney Tunes
Beckett- Batman

17. What do you and your dad do together?
Holden- Play pass with the football, talk about WWII and engineering and science and stuff.
Beckett- I don't know.

18. How are you and your dad the same?
Holden- Both of our last names are Brunson
Beckett- That we both have muscles

19. How are you and your dad different?
Holden- He's 33 and I'm 8
Beckett- That I have dark hair and he has blonde hair.

20. How do you know your dad loves you?
Holden- He helps me with tons of things
Beckett- 'Cause he's nice sometimes.

21. What does your dad like most about your mom?
Holden- That he can go to work while you stay home and take care of us; not the other way around.
Beckett- That he loves you.

22. Where is your dad's favorite place to go?
Holden- I don't know. Home.
Beckett- Bohemian.

This Time

My heart hurts. For the first time in close to 18 years I am confronted with the fact that I'm NOT his mom. He has had a major milestone in his life. And I found out on Facebook just like the rest of the world. Which is exactly how it should be. I'm super happy for him. And proud. And excited. And yet I am ridiculously, irrationally sad for myself.

He is an amazing kid young man. He is smart and talented and kind and funny. He is driven and dedicated and loyal. But he didn't learn those things from me. Because while he came from my body, he is not my son.

Maybe if I keep repeating it it won't hurt so much?

For the first time since he was a baby and I could still "see" his beautiful face I feel left out. I didn't expect anything different. I knew what I was giving up. I knew I would miss out on so much more than one major milestone. But this time. This time feels different. This time my arms ache to hold him. This time my tears are falling. Yes, I'm happy. I'm so glad he is the man he is. I'm so grateful that he has the mom he does. I could not have possibly dreamed up anyone better than her. She is certainly the mom he needed and the mom I needed for him. But that mom isn't me.

I'm not there. He isn't mine. Not new information. I know. I do. But I can't help the way I feel. And this time my heart hurts.

All About Beckett: Age SIX!!!

When did this little guy decide he could grow up? Because I don't remember giving permission. My little Beckett is so amazing. He is my caring, funny, crazy, smart, mischievous, no fear, tender heart of a boy. He can read on a 4th grade level and really works hard to make sure everyone is happy. If you are sick or hurt Beckett will help you in any way he possibly can.

He feels things very deeply which leads to lots of temper tantrums, but he is also quick to forgive and the first to say sorry when he has done something wrong. He idolizes his big brother and adores his little sister. I can not possibly imagine our family without this little stink in it. I love him to pieces and can't wait to see all that he will accomplish in his lifetime.

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A-  LEGO creator

2. What makes you happy?
A- Playing with my friends

3. What makes you sad?
A- Getting yelled at


4. What makes you laugh?
A- When someone tells a funny joke.

5. What is your favorite color?
A- Blue & purple

6. What is your favorite toy?
A- LEGO's

7. How tall are you?
A- 65 feets

8. How much do you weigh?
A- 44.5 pounds (ha! Doesn't get much more exact than that)

9. What’s your favorite thing to do?
A- Play with LEGO's

10. Where is your favorite place to go?
A- McDonald's

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A- Arizona

12. What are you really good at?
A- Writing

13. What are you not so good at?
A- Drawing carefully (he had a REALLY hard time thinking of something for this one. Love his confidence!)

14. What is your favorite thing about school?
A- Recess

15. What is your favorite food?
A- Fries

16. What food don't you like?
A- Cucumbers

17. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A- Morning

18. What makes you proud of yourself?
A- Making a story

19. If you were a cartoon character, who would you be?
A- Spongebob

20. What‘s your favorite TV show?
A- Larvae

21. What is your favorite movie?
A- Avengers

22. What is your favorite book?
A- You Can Be Anything

23. Who are your friends?
A- Wyatt, Lucas, & Bo

24. Who is your best friend?
A- Lucas and Wyatt

25. What do you like most about your dad?
A- That he makes dinner

26. What do you like most about your mom?
A- That she's nice to me

27. What do you like most about Holden?
A- That he plays with me

28. What do you like most about Victoria?
A- That she knows my name

28. What do you like most about yourself?
A- That I'm good at building LEGO's

Eeek He's Eight! All About Holden

I'm going to say the same thing I say every year. I can't believe my baby is eight! Where did the time go? He is such an amazing, smart, caring, inquisitive, athletic, know it all, leader. I can't imagine my life without this little jokester. He can turn any day into something positive and he knows something about everything. He is my dependable smarty pants. Happy eighth birthday Hono!!

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A- An NFL Superstar!

2. What makes you happy?
A- Broncos winning

3. What makes you sad?
A- Scary shows (you know, like evil gnome shows. ha!)

4. What makes you laugh?
A- Dad with the helium thing (he then did an impression. Priceless.)

5. What is your favorite color?
A- Orange

6. What is your favorite toy?
A- My Broncos football helmet

7. How tall are you?
A- 4 feet 5 inches

8. How much do you weigh?
A- 54 pounds

9. What’s your favorite thing to do?
A- Play football

10. Where is your favorite place to go?
A- Lagoon

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A- To where the Superbowl is going to be

12. What are you really good at?
A- Football (Again)

13. What are you not so good at?
A- Basketball

14. What is your favorite thing about school?
A- Mathematics

15. What is your favorite food?
A- Elk steak (this is what he chose for his birthday dinner)

16. What food don't you like?
A- Every veggie

17. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A- Morning

18. What makes you proud of yourself?
A- Having a good score on my report card

19. If you were a cartoon character, who would you be?
A- Bugs Bunny because he's funny

20. What‘s your favorite TV show?
A- Football

21. What is your favorite movie?
A- Avengers

22. What is your favorite book?
A- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

23. Who are your friends?
A- Max, Isaac W, Adam, Cameron, the good Brody (because there is a bad Brody), Hyrum, Josyah, & Wyatt

24. Who is your best friend?
A- Max and Hyrum

25. What do you like most about your dad?
A- That he brings me hunting

26. What do you like most about your mom?
A- That she let me keep a BB gun

27. What do you like most about Beckett?
A- That he plays with me when Hyrum, Josyah, and Wyatt can't play

28. What do you like most about Victoria?
A- That she laughs at all my jokes

28. What do you like most about yourself?
A- That I'm good at football. (Exact same answer as last year.)

Quentin James Brunson

I love this time of year. It's filled with fireworks and family and lots of fun. But it's also a time of year that is filled with sadness for me. Because 9 years ago was one of the worst days of my life. And this year was especially hard for me. Why was it so hard? Because I completely forgot about it. I forgot to remember that day and to remember my son. As I was lying in bed last night it hit me. I hadn't spent a moment thinking about my Quentin. What does that say about me as a mother?

I hope and pray that Quentin is in heaven looking down and feeling happy. That he can feel the love I have for him and for his three amazing siblings. And that he knows that I could never ever forget him. I can't believe he would be 8, turning 9 this year. I can't believe how convinced I was that I was never going to be a mom and how blessed I am to have the children I do now. The feelings are a bit at odds with each other. And I sometimes have a hard time reconciling them.

Nine years ago:

After struggling for years to have a baby Tim and I were finally pregnant. I remember being so excited to watch the fireworks with my family with my cute baby belly. I was excited to show it off and to make these new memories; to attend one last fourth of July festivities before becoming a Mom.

For some reason my cute nephew, Colton wanted to lay with me during the fireworks and I remember thinking that next year at the same time I would have my own child to take that place. It was a little slice of Heaven.

My baby was due November 23rd and I was 4 1/2 months along. It was a happy day. The next day was not so happy. (If you don't already know what happened you can check out my previous post.)